June 7th

Teams

Blues:- Andy Inker, Martin C, Dan S (c), Martyn, Mike Barker

Oranges:- Grant, Mike Inker,  Little Andy, Neil (Dave Blatch)

With the sun blazing down on the astro pitches it was always going to be a battle of finess and durability, so with Barker, Big Inker on the same team the Blues needed to establish a good lead before their legs went.

Starting with 9, the 5 men blues got their noses in front with some good passing and moving. the 4 man oranges not doing too much going forwards and not doing too much defensively.

the (late) arrival of Dave Blatchford and an injury to Martin C changed the game. The legs of the blues team turning to jelly, only ginger Martyn still capable of running, and the passing turning to shit, the Oranges got on top and turned the score upside down.

The blues had little left in the energy tanks and capitulated under pressure. Dan showing some woeful long range shooting not helping the cause.

the oranges playing with a rush keeper for most of the game, then crying when a goal was scored against them.... suggesting not having a keeper ready in the middle of goal was unfair. Hypocrites...

anyway Oranges won.... blues were knackered.

May 3rd

Teams

Blues:- Dan S (c), Martyn, Sean, Mike Barker, Jick, Lee

Oranges:- Greg (c), Owain, Mike Inker, Dave Blatch, Andy Inker, Little Andy.


With Greg volunteering to captain the opposition, and demanding first pick, the sides looked a little biased in the Oranges favour on paper. But paper means nothing, and a monumental team effort from the Blues saw them taking home the bacon.

The blues came out all guns blazing with new boy Lee showing some silky touches, and a range of passing, but an alarming inability to put the ball in the back of the net... 1 in 5 giving him that Andy Cole ratio.

But the blues foraged ahead non the less, with some fine finishing from Sean, who appears to have finally gotten over his stagefright in from of the net, and putting away some chances with composure and aplomb!

Martyn and Jick doing a good amount of running, the Oranges were forced back.

It wasn't to last and the Oranges fought back. A long range effort from Greg nestling into the net after an unchallenged forage through the middle of the blues defence as they parted like the Red seas.....

Owain only denied by a fine save from the cat Strophair, pouncing to his left... the next one went in though, via the post and keepers face for a unfortunate own goal.

Andy Inker stopping a certain goal with a deliberate hand ball on his own goal line... shockingly unsporting, with Strophair rightly demanding either a goal, or a 5 minute sin-bin. It's just not right Andy.

But even with the cheating, and Little Andy showing his accounting skills and forgetting a few goals here and there, the oranges never quite got level. Break away goals from Jick and Sean wrapping up a marvellous victory, with groin strained Lee putting a good shift in between the nets.

April 29th

Teams
Blues - Mike Barker, Martyn, Andy Inker, Little Andy, Neil, Resh, Lee

Orange- Dave Blatch, Dan, Dave Zanetti, Greg, Mike Inker, Sean

A change of captains with youth giving way to experience and Growling Mike Mad Barker taking on Dave the Destroyer Blatchford.

Mike in he more senior years, was a little confused at picking the teams, and thought it was walking football, and not the fast paced action we see on a Tuesday night.

Mike Inker, Sean and Greg ripped the slothenly blue side to bits, and put together wave after wave of beautiful attacking football. Dan playmaking from the back reeling back the years to his youth, on the day of celebration of his 44th year.

A brief respite from the massacre came with the introduction of new boy Lee on the half hour, bringing a previously unseen attacking force into the game. Sadly it wasn't to last, with iron-lung Lee, rapidly fading.

Goals a plenty with Blatchford firing one in from the wing ala Stevie Coppell. Zanetti also scoring a goal as the Oranges dominated the game.

April 22nd

Teams
Blues - Mike Inker, Jick, Little Andy, Sean, Resh

Orange- Dan, Craig, Martyn, Owain, Growling Mike Barker

the teams were picked with 4 on 5, before the arrival of Resh for his first appearance of 2016. A timely return.

The blues got off to a bad start with the Oranges creating many chances and taking a good few of them, Owain swivelled / turned / twisted and ended up with 7.

Martyn ever industrious walked off with a hat-trick. Dan scored a thunderous header from a ball drilled straight at his head with a corner by Owain. The beating could have been greater with Mad Mike Barker having a few chances well saved by the keepers.

A moment of contention and controversy, with a Mike Inker shot clearly not going over the line, but the Blues sulking like scorned children at the correct non giving of the goal....  the whole of the ball needs to cross the whole of the line.

After some discussions between the referee, and the most experienced player on a Tuesday night - the "goal" (in quotes as it was a shot that didn't actually go over the line") was correctly not awarded and play allowed to continue.

the Oranges were always well in front and deserved winners. :)

March 29th

Teams
Blues - Owain (c), Dan, Finny, Sam Finn, Martyn, Redshaw, Dan K

Orange- Neil (c), Andy Inker, Jick, Greg, DZ, Mike Inker, Grant

The match started with the blues congratulating Owain on picking such a fine side... almost guaranteed a fantastic victory - what a team.

then the game started and football can be a great leveller... redshaw and finny failed to live up to their reputations... or did they?

anyway - a busy game with 14 players on the pitch - no real amazing moments to report.. jick the glass man broke his knee in half, but managed to play on.

Greg smashed one in from distance (with Finny in goal (who let 4 in))

Sam played well but was a bit greedy with the ball.

the Oranges played well, and deserved at least the draw.......

anyone got anything to add? I'm so bored of doing match reports.....

March 22nd

Teams

Orange - Neil (c), Owain, Martyn, Mike Barker, Craig, Redshaw

Blues - Andy Inker (c), Dan, Blatch, Grant, Mike Inker

to be fair - this was over a week ago now and I can't remember much about it. Owain scored a few goals, and Andy Inker gave a few away.

I think we may have swapped teams after a bit - I'm guessing Barker, who was probably rubbish for 30 mins and then had a blinder on the other side just to spite me... that's only a guess though!

March 15th

Teams

Orange - Neil (c), Martyn, Jick, Andy Inker, Dave Blatchford, Greg

Blues - Dan (c), Mike Inker, Craig, Owain, Dave Zanetti, Desperately late Mad Mike Barker

Neil put together a nasty team of hatchet men against the more skilled blues... the blues started well, with 5 men and were still well in the game although outnumbered. Just at the point they were going to have the advantage of the extra man, the arrival of Barker levelled the numbers up. Sadly by now, the effort of playing a man light left the Blues exhausted. The oranges ending the game a goal up.

 

Highlights of the game included a rasping effort from Craig Erksin, beating the keeper on his near post from the best part of twenty yards. 

Strophair made an amazing triple stop in front of goal, with Neil unable to force the ball home. 

Neil did go on to score a hat-trick... Zanetti was a little out of sorts and far from his best.

Andy Inker having lost almost half an ounce since announcing his half marathon challenge excelled at the back, completely dominating his younger, slightly dafter brother.

Martyn had a solid game, up and down the pitch, seemingly back to fitness after a sluggish couple of weeks. 

Greg back on form fouling all before him. A stamp on Strophair (perhaps exaggerated a little) his own personal highlight.

Owain / Mike Inker / Strophair failed to reach the standards of Messi / Suarez / Neymar - a better selection on paper than it proved to be on the pitch... the extra running of Neil , Greg, Jick and Martyn proving the decisive factor.

End result was close.... but Neil goes into next week as the victorious captain.....

March 8th

Teams
Orange - Martyn (c), Owain, Jick, Sean,Dave Blatchford

Blues - Dan (c), Grant, Andy Inker, Mike Inker, Mental Mike barker

Captains this week - ginger Martyn and Dan - the last time these two faced each other on Jan 12th ended in a  well earned victory for Strophair - so Martyn's chance for revenge this week.

It wasn't to be with the blues playing some lovely football in the first 25 minutes, establishing a 5 goal lead at one point. It could have been more if Grant had his shooting boots on.... 

it was quality football - Dan and Andy formidable in defence - Grant and Mike Inker dominating further up the pitch. Barker the unstoppable force, volleying in a fine cross from Inker one of tonights highlights.

The oranges slowly drifted back into the game with more stamina - younger legs starting to take effect. Soon only a couple of goals in it. Inker senior gifting the ball to the opposition too often. Owain and Sean finding the back of the net - only some fine saves in goal from Inker, Grant and that man Barker prevented a full Orange comeback. That and some fine defending from the young Strophair, getting his foot on a few attempted shots...

then the lazy legged blue defending ended up in some horror tackles, Dan taking Jick out, then Mike Inker smashing Owains foot with a crack that resonated around North Somerset....

anyway - the oranges blew themselves out.. the blues kept the ball.. job done.

Roll on next week!

March 1st

Teams
Orange - Martyn (c), Mike Inker, Dan, Little Andy, Dave Blatchford, Craig

Blues - Owain (c), Grant, Jick, Andy Inker, DZ, Mental Mike barker

With Dave Redshaw, last weeks winning captain, being unavailable this week, a new challenger was required to take on last weeks player of the week - Martyn.

First pick decided on a coin toss. Owain won. Teams picked and it all looked decidedly ropey for the 5 man oranges against a formidable attack of Owain, Grant and Jick. The oranges started a little off the pace, Strophair unable to pick a pass, Martyn taking an early knock, but somehow they managed to pinch a couple of early goals.

Craig Erskin turned up late to even the sides up and give the Oranges a bit more of a solid base to build on, and build they did. Goals flying in from everywhere, Dave Blatchford launching an unstoppable rocket into the top corner of the net, before then juggling the ball, flicking it over the keeper and poking it in for his second. A real moment of class.

The Oranges built an unassailable 6 goal lead. Some quality passing and movement, keeping possession of the ball. Holland 74, Brazil 82, Spain 2010.

Diminished energy levels, and tired legs saw the blues make their comeback. Owain scoring a couple of goals including a neat header. Grant smashing one through the keeper off the bar before bouncing just over the line. 

Andy Inker lashing home in off the post from 18 yards following a corner and a neat pull back from Grant.

The lead cut to a single goal, but the oranges just about holding on. the best moment, Erskin taking a Blatchford clearance plush on the nose, it seemed to lift his feet off the ground and leave him a crumpled heap on the floor. Now that was funny!

February 23rd

Teams
Orange - Dave Redshaw, Greg, Martyn, Dave Blatchford

Blues - Dan (c), Mike Inker, Martin C, Little Andy, Growling Mike barker

The most exciting part of this evening was waiting for the 10th player to turn up... who was it going to be? Craig? Stu? Jick?

Sadly no-one - so 5 on 4, scramble keeper, and reduced shooting ranges was the order of the day.

Strophair winning a blow job off Martin C for a repeated cross bar challenge admittedly another highlight.

Onto the game, with Dan and Dave Redshaw trying to piece together teams from the limited numbers available. 9 players, so goals not counted statistically, and captains results also not counted.

Match highlights, a peachy header from Mike Inker (he couldn't miss from a delightfully curled ball from young Strophair), megs thru Redshaws' legs. Played, called and collected - Proper megs....

Redshaw managing to miss from within 2 yards about 6 times. Greg unable to get past Barker in numerous one on ones.

Mike Inker doing Greg all ends up twice, then double fist pumping him. A bit extreme for a friendly game of footy.

And that was about it. The blues won by a couple of goals, no-one really cared, and everyone was disappointed by the lack of numbers.

February 16th

Teams

Orange - Dave Redshaw (c), Grant, Owain, Dan K, Andy Inker, Mike Barker, Neil, Greg, Stu

Blues - Dan (c), Mike Inker, Sean, Martin C, Little Andy, Jick, Martyn, Craig

Captains Redshaw and Dan stood in the corner slowly picking teams, trying to get the balance of age and ability right. Dave "I won't pick Owain" Redshaw, had first choice in each round.... and did pick Owain... He picked all the forwards.

Before the game started, the blues grouped together to devise a strategy to win the game. Keep it simple, pass the ball, move, and enjoy yourselves.

Quite straightforward instructions, nothing too complicated, even for those with limited footballing intelligence. What followed was an absolute disgrace. Sean attempting Maradona-esque dribbling round the opposition. Martyn hitting 40 yard passes. Dan trying to pick too clever a pass. the pattern was basically blues lose the ball, give it to Grant/Owain (delete as applicable) and the ball nestling in the back of the net.

what the blues needed at this stage was an experienced old-timer. One of the better players, will the footballing nous...enter Craig Erskin... instead of settling the blues Craig gave away another 3 goals in quick succession.

the oranges then sending in their heavies to try and break any little resistance the blues had. Neil and Greg getting "stuck in" in an old fashioned vinny jones style.

with the extra man the oranges established a good lead, but then stu swapped sides to give the blues a fighting chance, then dilly dallied too long on the ball, gifted it to grant, in wrapping paper with a bow on, another goal. Stu then feigning injury while he went home to spend the remnants of the missing football kitty on cheap whisky.

Dan conjured up a couple of sublime finishes, the first a cheeky bender with his left. Like we don't have enough cheeky benders already on a tuesday. the second a roy race rocket fizzed past a packed defence and a startled goal keeper - blazing into the net like an exocet missile.

not enough to turn the game.  with redshaw sitting at the back and thumping the ball skywards each time it came near him the game fizzled out, and with it Dan's unbeaten record in tatters.

what a disaster!

February 9th

Teams
Orange - Martin Coggan (c), Little Andy, Craig, Andy Inker, Dave Z, Martyn, Jick

Blues - Dan (c), Grant, Mike Inker, Sean, Dave Redshaw, Mike Barker

"Mines still throbbing from yours" comment of the night at the post match drinks in the bar ! Make of that what you will!

A fast paced game that looking at the team that Coggins ( who was lucky to not break both legs when Grant and Jick slid in on him 4 footed) picked it was only going to go one way and it did! Blues were strong throughout and took an early commanding lead!

Orange offered plenty to the game though with plenty of chances which weren't taken! And ultimately sloppy defending cost them!

Little Andy's shit pass to Big Andy's right foot (weaker  foot) probably the pick of them! 

Mike I and Grants 8 goals the difference in the end! However the goals scored by oranges were very very good team goals with great build up play and great finishing especially Zannetti smash with some good finishing from Erskine aswell!

Highlight of the game Grant and Sean getting one to the nuts! Oh and Jicks overhead kick goal probably first we've seen on a Tuesday night and to be fair Jick didn't deserve to be on losing team! 

Also need to mention some great goalkeeping performances some of which probably deserved a few votes!

Dan Strophairs winning run continues - need to stop him boys getting silly now! 

Roll on next week hope to see plenty of you there!

February 2nd

Teams
Blues - Mike I (c), Owain, Mike Barker, Little Andy, Craig, Dave Blatch, Neil, Dan K, Sean

Orange - Dan (c), Martyn, Jim, Jick, Andy Inker, Greg, Martin Coggan, Stu, Dave Z

It's Friday and we're still waiting for Andy Inker to pull his iphone out of his arse and give us a match report.... jeezz

Ah that's where I put me phone wondered where it was!

Following a bore draw last week Mike Inker and Dan S had to go at it again! Once again picking teams seems to be a problem for Mike as he went with experience over quality! This week proved to be his undoing!

The oranges under captain Dans direction started well moving into an early lead! With the late arrival of Craig to add some stability at the back the blues came back into it firstly with a well taken goal with some good interplay between Mike I and Owain (2nd best Welsh striker on our books) , however this came from a loose pass from Martin C , it was however one of a limited number and he deserved his MOTM award! A tactical decision from Dan to push Andy I further forward in the 2nd half saw great reward as the oranges started to create more chances and dominate the closing stages with a glut of goals! 

This saw the end of Mike I's unbeaten run and Dan S continues to march on!

Highlight of the game proven by everyone's laughter was watching Gregg completely misjudge where from the sky the ball was going to land thus striking him completely unaware on the nounce! Even Craig who has 70 yrs football experience had never seen that before! 

Sorry for delay!

Come on Martin C time to step up tomorrow and end Strophairs run!

January 26th

Teams
Blues - Mike I (c), Dave Redshaw, Owain, Mike Barker, Stu, Little Andy, Greg.

Orange - Dan (c), Martyn, Sean, Andy Inker, Craig, Dave Blatch, Neil.

Battle of the titans, the two unbeaten players of 2016 picking the teams. Mike choosing a more attacking team, with Dan going for energy and guile... 

The wind blowing down the pitch, the rain making conditions slippery under foot. Which team had the ability to tame the conditions and get the ball under control. 

Greg turned up a little late, but looking positively stylish in some borrowed kit (he still hasn't paid for his socks)

Craig turned up later, and Pikey Stu even later.

Not many goals, some poor defending - the ball given away cheaply. Andy Inker letting a tame shot (almost a back pass) from Owain go right through him. Martyn smashing a goal home in reply after neat work from Neil and Blatchford. 

Neil making a goal for himself neatly put away with the left peg after a bit of miscontrol, some poor defending, and a couple of lucky bounces, with Dan moaning in the background.

Andy Watts took a shot from distance, clearly going wide, only for some hapless keeping from Strophair slicing the ball into his own goal. For a hotly disputed own goal.

Half time and a change of ends - the blues (8 players) complaining about giving the advantage of the slope, the wind and their teams numeric advantage to the oranges. Moan, moan, moan.

Dave Blatchford running onto a thru ball - powering past a static defence to fire a wonderous shot past Stu. Two keepers wouldn't have saved it.

A corner for the blues, a towering header by Andy Inker - managing to almost get both feet off the ground - clearing the ball out to the left. Strophair hitting what can only be described as a worldie past the hapless Mike Inker - dippping over his head and into the netting from all of 30 yards. The goal only to be diminished, by another ridiculous flash of petulance from the scorer in an embarrassing show of aggression to the innocent Owain. Apologies given, and most magnanimously accepted.

With minutes left it looked like the oranges were drifting to a one goal win, but back came the blues with a corner. Neil lost his footing for the second time of the evening, but this time in his own penalty area, trying to play the ball on the floor in the ensuing scramble gave away a penalty. 30 seconds on the clock.

One trick Jick v Strophair.....One stride. Jick hitting the ball firm and low. Strophair guessed the right way, getting down well and a firm hand on the ball, but the power of the strike too much as the ball nestled into the netting.

The blues earning a well deserved draw. So next week the captains will be the Player of the Week, against one of tonight's captains (toss of a coin)

January 19th

Teams
Orange - Grant, Greg, Neil, Craig, (Mike Barker)

Blues - Dan, Mike I, Little Andy, Martyn, (Mike Barker)

Kick-off delayed for 10 minutes in the hope of the 10th man arriving, which sadly never happened, as a result 4 on 5, the 5 with stick keeper, and only being able to shoot inside the box - well you know the rules.

Captains picks binned in the attempt to pick even sides - this will be resumed next week with Mike Inker taking on Dan - in the battle of the 100% win rates. For this week, teams picked with Mike Barker swapping sides at half time.

The air sub zero, the pitch hard and frozen. The game commenced.

Mike Barker started on the blues side, who were slow to get into the game. Dan's passing too short, too long. The ball given up too easily. Trying to get inside the Oranges goal mouth proving impossible. The Oranges breaking out up the pitch... only to be stalled by Neil's continual falling over on the frozen turf. His gentlemans evening slippers proving not so suitable for the conditions.

Neil, like a slightly more feminine Jane Torville doing the bolero, lying face down on the ice.

Greg proving he still has the ability to fall down when necessary - shot by a sniper.

Some goals - well a lot of goals (sadly none of them counting in the goals stats) .... a lot of puffing and blowing. The frozen air limiting the box to box runners..

Mike Barker swapped sides at half time, with his side losing, to help his new side lose... the oranges throwing away a 3 goal lead. Neil managing to miss an open goal from the goal line... Grant skewing one wide from a couple of yards out.... the oranges now 3 down and fighting back. The blues playing counter attacking football. Keeping possession when they could.

A couple of late goals....

End result a narrow 1 goal margin. Mike Inker and Dan continue unbeaten into 2016..

January 12th

Teams
Orange - Martyn (c), Grant, Owain, Mike Barker, Little Andy, Stu

Blues - Dan(c), Mike I, Jick, Dave Redshaw, Sean, Dave Blatchford

Captains picks - winner staying on from last week, with Martyn - last weeks best player accepting the challenge and taking first pick.

The blues kicking downhill, both teams freezing in the coldest conditions for some time, the pitch slippy in places. The Blues started well with Redshaw playing a bit deeper and picking out some excellent passes to team mates, rather than the usual goal hanging and blazing over the fence from a few yards.

The goal hanging role for the blues went to Mike Inker, ably backed up by Sean. The blues led throughout much of the game, with neither team offering much in the way of a defence with Erkine and the larger Inker missing from action.

The oranges gamely fought on despite an injury to Grant slowing him down to walking pace and restricting him to just the 4 goals. Owain notching 5... only matching the goal scoring exploits of tap-in Mike Inker.

The game hung in the balance with 10 minutes left, only decided by a couple of massive rickets from Stu gifting two goals. The second trying to trap the ball with his fit and only gifting the wily Blatchford, waiting for a tap-in.

The blues were overall deserved winners, with more enterprise and guile, playing a rich passing game which at times had the oranges chasing shadows.

Last weeks best player Martyn struggling to make the same impact this week. It can't be every week Martyn.

Little Andy chopping Dan down with a horror tackle that went unnoticed by many.

A special mention for Grant and the David Platt volley he hit past the hapless keeper - hitting a 50 yard pass first time, after letting it drop over his shoulder. A great finish.

So hopefully we'll get 10 players at least next week, The big question is, who fancies going captain and taking on Dan next week? 

January 5th

So we're back!

Teams
Orange - Grant(c), Jick, Owain, Dave B, Mike Barker, Andy I
Blues - Dan(c), Mike I, Martyn, Stu, Little Andy, Craig

Back to captain's picks, with Grant being challenged by Dan for the first week of the year. Winner stays on.

With the game kicking off late as we awaited arrivals, the festive break was telling in the early stages, miss hit passes going astray, control often lacking when the passes did reach the target.
Oranges settled into the game quickest, regaining their individual form from last year and taking an early 2 goal lead. The disjointed blues looked like they would be on the receiving end of a mauling. The oranges now playing with confidence, passing, moving, control, beautiful! Blues somehow managed to get back into the game with some glorious long range shooting and some bundled miss hit efforts making the scores level at the halfway point.
From then on it was like an advert for Duracell batteries but the bunny didn't turn up, on display instead were e few budget range Panasonic, Wilko own brand and  Poundland specials, the only Duracells being put into Mike Inker's new Christmas battery operated shaver.  With the batteries running low after a few weeks off and much festive food and drink having been consumed, the pace slowed.
Blues taking what had earlier seemed an unlikely lead, the whole team now hitting top form as it developed into walking football. A mixture of well worked goals and equally lucky goals eventually giving the blues the first win of the year.
Handshakes all round, players headed off for a detox and recharge of their batteries ready for next weeks encounter.
Happy New Year, here's to a great 2016 season with the new and improved super deluxe website!